Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Team Meeting Drama

So I have had little family drama in my life for the last fortnight but just to compensate it seems like the drama at work is getting a little worse.
I am not going to say what I do or where I work because I would rather not get sacked but I am going to talk about things that are currently causing me stress.
The thing that did it today was my team meeting.  My team meets fortnightly and the majority of meetings are productive but can be long.  However occasionally we have a meeting that puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day and today was one of those days.
We have a rota for minutes and who is chairing.  I set this up at the start of the year and the team are supposed to check to see who is down.  They never do and expect me to remind them.  I am not their secretary or their mother so I am now refusing to do this. Today the person who was supposed to be chairing didn't check the rota so didn't find out till just before the meeting.  This was apparently my fault for not telling them.  Next they forgot to bring minutes of the last meeting, which is the chairs responsibility, so the meeting was delayed while they went to get them.  Another member of the team had reminded them of this so there wasn't really an excuse.  So the meeting starts and although we have a set agenda the chair kept asking what was next.  I was starting to get grumpy by this point.
Through the entire meeting the chair then proceed to question every little thing that was said.  Now most of these things are ongoing work and the process and decisions have already been made so there isn't really any point having discussions but the person who is chairing has a habit of wanting to prove that they are morally superior to the rest of us and that they know the job better.  I personally got fed up of explaining things again and again and I am pretty sure other team members felt the same.
Next I raised something that had been agreed since the start of the year to give an update and a member of the team who is usually on my side started talking like they knew nothing about it and then tried to palm a lot of their work off on me as I knew about it.  It was sorted out but really annoyed me as I had been talking about it since before January and they all should have known about it.
Finally one member of the team repeatedly asked questions about things the rest of the team have known about for some time.  Now I know you are thinking well they should have been told, or maybe they didn't know but the annoying thing was there has been emails sent round about a lot of the things and we discussed the rest at the last team meeting which this person attended.
It just annoyed me as it made this person look bad and didn't really reflect well on the rest of the team.
Anyway it was a minor drama but I came out in a really bad mood and just wanted to shout at people. Its been a major effort for me not to snap and growl at everyone for the rest of the day.
I know I have anger issues ( I can go into rants that last for days and I do take my anger out on others that don't deserve it - I am trying to stop this) but team meetings like this just seem to wind me up more than usual.
I need to start thinking of ways to start off calm before going into a situation that I know will wind me up so it doesn't have so much of an effect on me.

Thursday, 21 February 2013

relatively calm

So the last week has been quiet ( I realise I am tempting fate here).
Twin had one text from mum, supposedly forwarded from Nanny, trying to make her feel guilty.
We just ignored it and kept on.  Big Sis has been quiet - even gave suggestions for youngest child's birthday and Dad is still seeing other two kids without much hassle.
Twin is very stressed at work but took two days off this week to recover/ mitigate the stress and I am doing better myself. 
I had been drinking quite a look in the evenings and kept saying I was going to cut back because it was making me feel awful, yet I never managed it.  This week I did cut back.  Monday and Tuesday no drink at all and I felt so much better.  Last night, after a rubbish work day I did give in and have a bottle of wine.  Today the old feelings are back and I wish I never drank it.  However what is done is done. What would usually happen at this point in the past is that I would give up all my good resolutions for the rest of the week and say I will start again next week.
This week I am not going to let that happen.  I am determined to keep cutting back on the booze, not come off my healthy eating plan and get some more exercise.
The reason - the two days I didn't drink I felt great.  I got enough sleep, I felt positive, I managed to tackle a lot of things I had been putting off and I ate much better than I usually do.
This morning (after wine) I woke up tired, I felt sick, I was grumpy and angry and the last thing I wanted to do was work.  I much prefer the positive feelings.
So its back to the positive for me.

Monday, 11 February 2013

And the drama continues

Last week was pretty hectic at work and stressful with the situation between Big Sis and Dad so I was looking forward to a nice weekend. I almost got away with it too (if it weren't for those meddling kids and their dog!),
Actually started out well.  Went out for a couple of drinks after work, had a lovely time but didn't get drunk and came home at a reasonable hour.  Managed to get up in time to go to the farmers market and the library.  Went to the cinema, Wreck it Ralph was very good, and another nice evening in.
On Sunday Big Sis's two oldest came through with dad.  They had their dad's permission but Big Sis didn't know,knew it would cause some trouble but actually didn't care.  Twin and I saw them for lunch and then she went off to see Mum while I stayed to play.  I had a really good time and we were joined by out adopted nieces too so it was lots of fun.  Twin however was not having fun.
Twin was at Mum's for ages well over an hour and a half.  Mum spent the entire time haranguing twin about how dad was to blame for everything in mums life and how horrible he treated her and how he beat us and her up.  She did make a few things up here.  And then she said she still loved him.  Bear in mind they have been divorced for over 20 years. Then Twin got every detail of mum's supposed illness, even though she didn't want to know.  Including how she was never manic and probably not even depressed. Then it was all about how Big Sis was right about everything and Dad and us were wrong.  Twin was going to lose it at this point because mum wouldn't even accept her point of view but she had to leave then if she wanted to see all the kids before they went home.
When she arrived at dads Twin was upset but kept it together for the kids.  When she told me I was really angry but again kept calm so the kids wouldn't see.  At this point mum phoned dad about the big sis situation even though Twin had begged her not too.  Dad didn't answer the call and later deleted the message.
Later when we were at home and had finally relaxed for the evening Twin gets a phone from mum.  She is coughing up blood.  Twin dashes out to get her to the hospital.  Now before anyone panics there wasn't anything wrong. She had a nosebleed earlier and that's when she coughed up the blood - quite clearly it was from that.  While Twin is round at Mum's I get a call from Dad.  Mum has left a message on his answerphone again, saying she knows the kids were here and that Twin had lied to her  Dad had phoned to warn us about retaliation.
It becomes clear this is what the hospital drama is all about.  This is Twin's punishment for daring to disagree with her and for not telling her about the kids.  I text twin but she is now stuck going to the hospital with mum.
When Twin gets there the ambulance men are clearly sick of her and the doctors and nurses don't know what to do with her.  Twin has to hang around for hours, mostly because mum won't let her go home.  She doesn't get in till near 11 and is so tense she can't relax.  Neither of us sleep well and we don't go to work today.  The whole day is spent waiting for news about mum.
I do a lot of house work because I half to do something.  Mum doesn't even bother to let twin know what ward she is in or anything.  Finally about 4 Twin gets a text Mum can leave can Twin come and get her.  Again no details about where in the hospital she is.
Twin is now off to collect her and bring her home.   Looks like there isn't a damn thing wrong with her.  If you ask me this was all a big ploy to get attention and to punish Twin.  If it was me I would drop her at her door and tell her to go to hell but Twin is much nicer than I am.
The thing that really annoys me through is through the whole thing Big Sis hasn't been a bit supportive and just spent a lot of time having a go at Twin.  Twin did tell her to eff off at one point but its like water off a ducks back.
I hope Twin makes it home soon without having to kill Mum 

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

My sister breaks my fathers heart

So as I mentioned before Big Sis has major issues with Dad - they revolve around things that happened when we were growing up and she has never managed to get over it and move on.
This resulted in her stopping two of her kids, who live with their father, going on the trip of a lifetime to Disney World with Dad and his girlfriend and her family.  Now Big Sis has decided that these two kids can no longer stay overnight with Dad.  She has blackmailed her ex husband into agreeing with this.  Knowing Big Sis she probably threatened to take the kids away from their father if he didn't agree. Big Sis is extremely manipulative and controlling and would stoop to just about anything to get her own way.
Dad found out yesterday from the kids father.  The kids father didn't want to do this but he is terrified of what Big Sis will do and feels he has no choice.  Dad understands this but is devastated.  He loves those kids and would never do anything to hurt them but he is being punished because Big Sis can't stand that he has a better relationship with them than she has.
Apparently after seeing the kids on Monday (which he does every week) Dad came home and spent all Tuesday in bed.  His girlfriend is worried about him and so are Twin and myself. 
I am furious with big sis.  After everything that Dad did for her when she was drinking and everything that he does for those children this is how she repays him.  Dad is now scared to argue with her in case she stops him seeing the kids at all.
She hasn't been in touch with Twin or me yet but when she does she will get an earful. Not that it would make any difference.  
When we found out last night my reaction was anger I wanted to go up to Dundee and punch her.  Twin was really upset and burst into tears.  Big Sis is so lucky to have those kids and family support yet she doesn't appreciate it.  She treats all her kids like property and will exclude or ignore anyone who has a good relationship or who her kids show any preference for.  She even told me once that her kids were none of my business, cause I am just their Aunt.
My major problem with the whole thing is that Dad has never once put those kids in danger, the only person that has is big sis.
She was the one that choose to keep drinking and not get help when it was needed.
She was the one that choose to abandon her children and move to Dundee knowing that she wouldn't see them as often.
She showed up drunk to important events in their lives or choose not to see them at all after raising their hopes. 
She doesn't contribute to their upbringing despite that fact she is their mother.
She emotionally manipulates them and that is going to cause them problems in later life.
She has already told the boy that when he comes to stay with her he will have his own room. She is clearly going to go for custody despite not having the resources to support them.  If she takes them to Dundee we will probably never see them again.  I have already decided to support her ex husband if it comes down to that.  I would stand against her and give evidence that she is an unfit mother if needed.
In contrast Dad contributes to their upbringing. Dad was the one that bought big sis a house in the village where they live so she could see them.  Dad shielded them from the worst of their mothers behaviour and Dad was the one that dealt the most with Big Sis and tried to get her help but Big Sis conveniently forgets that.
I also suspect that my mother is behind some of this.  She had been having a right go at dad before she got sick and has probably been spewing venom about him to big sis and encouraging her to go ahead with this.  She is out of the hospital after having her gall bladder removed and has already started making demands on Twins time. She has also conveniently forgotten the reasons for the fight and what she said to me.  Usual rubbish she either denies it happened or doesn't remember so doesn't have to deal with it and just expects me to cave, which isn't going to happen.
Twin is speaking to her today and is going to ask her about the situation with big sis.  If mum says she agrees or has been helping her make the decision Twin is going to stop all contact. 
Looks like major family strife for the future

Friday, 1 February 2013

Am I an evil daughter

This morning the twin got a call from Mum.  She is in the hospital, no not the mental hospital, something to do with her gall bladder.
My first thought - she's faking it
My second thought - she couldn't stand that Twin has bruised her ribs and is getting attention so she had to make something worse up.
My third thought - she's had a month without attention so she has to pull one of her stunts.
It was only after I thought all this did I consider the possibility that it might be genuine.  Then I thought Oh god does this mean I might have to apologise. Does this make me an terrible person?
After thinking about it for a while I realised that it doesn't make a difference to me.  Even if she is genuinely ill it doesn't excuse her behaviour before and after Christmas or throughout the rest of our lives.  I think I have reached my limit now and because of everything we have been through I have to stick to my decision not to see her anymore. If people see me as a bad daughter because of this then I guess I am just going to deal with it.
Of course if she is not really sick and ends up in the mental hospital I will be totally vindicated.  I will also be stealing her car as Twin thinks the clutch on ours has gone again as she drove into her work car park this morning and if mum is going to be in the hospital she won't be using it and we have a key :) - obviously this will just be till we can buy a new one. 

Twin got text from mum to say that the doctors were sending her for a scan as they didn't know what is was (not your gall bladder then mum).  Again my first thought was , yes because you are making it up for attention.
Later she texted a very long text to Twin to say it was unofficially confirmed as her gall bladder (because that's what she has diagnosed herself as) and that her own doctor (when did he speak to him) had reduced her dosage of antidepressants because they were affecting her liver function and her CPN was supposed to speak to her about it today but of course she was in the hospital.  Well the alarm bells went off for me.  Not only has she stopped her anti psychotics but she is now taking about coming off her anti depressants.  Also no doctor would just reduce like that you have to do it very gradually over a planned period or there are major side affects.  My thoughts are she has decided to come off all meds and is using this illness (which may be made up) to do it.  PANIC STATIONS - batten down the hatches.
Twin is supposed to go and see her in hospital to find out what she needs, then go and get it and bring it to her.  Twin is going to borrow her car to do this. Big Sis had said she would come down but then said she wouldn't as littlest niece is sick leaving Twin to cope with everything.
I feel bad for Twin and will help as much as I can while avoiding Mum.
My only hope is that while she is in hospital the Doctors will notice shes nuts and send her off to the mental hospital instead.