Monday, 20 January 2014

Paranoia kicks in

After no news from Big Sis since the other mother went into hospital  Twin and I learnt this weekend that she is out.  Twin noticed that she had responded to a post Uncle (mums brother) had put on facebook and quickly checked Mum's facebook account to see what what was going on.

Not only was mum out of the hospital but she was telling her friends that she only went in voluntarily because she was so isolated.  So completely ignoring the fact that she was committed (again).  So once again mum has started to re write what actually happened and will convince herself that it's the truth. 

When we were speaking to her the next stage was to try and push the blame onto us and make us do more and more to support her, while bad mouthing us to family if we dared refuse.  Now we are not speaking to her we are worried about what will happen next.

The first option is that she will continue to ignore us but still blame us to all and sundry for anything bad that has happened, this will probably mean her landing on Big Sis as she is still in contact.  The second is that she will try to re-engage us in her life.  This could start out small with letters/ calls etc or she may try to pull something dramatic like turning up at the house or at work.

The second option is why Twin and I are worried.  She has form for doing this when she feels she is not getting enough attention, like the Christmas were she announced she had been shop lifting or the time she made up a rape allegation.  Even when we were kids she would make up stories about us to get attention from her friends - I was supposed to be an anorexic  and then a closet lesbian and Big Sis was supposedly on drugs and had aids.
None of this was true but it got her lots of attention which is what she is after.

The problem is that Twin and I are now on tender hooks waiting for the big drama which may or may not kick off.  When I cut contact originally she was in and out of hospital for a while, some of the illness was real but not all, but when Twin cut her off we expected something big but nothing happened till Big Sis put her foot down 8 months later.

So for the next month I will be a paranoid mess expecting her to jump out at me around every corner, every phone call will make me jump and white cars like hers will make me want to hide and that's what really depresses me that even after a year she has the power to make me feel like this.

Monday, 6 January 2014

New Year New Start - oh no wait for it

So had a very quiet Christmas and what at first appeared to be a quiet new year, then once again the drama begins.

Get a text on the 3rd from Big Sis - Mum is in local hospital (local to us not big sis) and is about to be transferred to local mental hospital.  She tried to kill herself on hogmanay and then when local crisis team wasn't quick enough to visit she tried again.

Twin replies to Big Sis and eventually more comes out.  Mum took an overdose (not really) of paracetamol and other pain meds and then called someone so an ambulance came.  Then when she wasn't getting enough attention did it again and as a result has ended up back in the place she didn't want to be - the mental hospital.

This is because Big Sis stopped paying her the attention that she wanted and she doesn't have Twin and I to fall back on.  Not enough attention means that Mum does things to get more, like shoplifting or made up rape stories or deciding that one of us has something wrong with us that she needs to tell all her friends/ family like when I was anorexic or Big Sis must have AIDS.

Anyway I didn't respond to text as Twin did so Big Sis uses this as an excuse to try and get Twin back involved with Mum.  Twin refuses (good for her) but the drama continues.

Two days later Twin gets a call from Mum's Neighbour here -  she is worried about Mum.  Twin tells her she is in hospital but doesn't know more cause of the not speaking to her for months.  Twin then ends up trying to arrange access to Mums flat for Big Sis who is coming down from her home 2 hours away to get mum stuff for the hospital.  So despite being no contact Twin still gets dragged in.  Big Sis doesn't get me involved because she knows better.

In the end it turns out Big Sis has come down with her partner and littlest niece.   However despite that she doesn't come to see us, just mum.

Twin gets series of texts throughout the day trying to guilt her into seeing Mum but stands firm.

Then that evening I discover that Big Sis has started a thread about it on a popular forum. Big Sis is all upset that she is having to deal with this and that we are not involved.  She makes is sound like she is the only one who is dealing with Mum and we are selfish cows for not getting involved.  What she neglects to mention is that we have had to deal with Mum and her behaviour since she left home at 17 and we have born the brunt of it for the last 15 years.  She only really had to deal with her for 8 months.  I can't even reply to the thread as I will out myself and it will end in a fight.  It is typical though that she tries to put blame on us ( a trick she has learnt from mum).

So now Twin and I are stuck waiting to here news from Big Sis or the hospital  but not really wanting to know.  To top it off I have picked up a cold and an infection which is making me really miserable and Twin who has been getting so much better in regards to her depression is now feeling quite down again (although she is coping much better than she previously would have).

The scary part is that I have a regular meeting at the mental hospital (for work) and if Mum is still there  when this happens I will have to worry about running in to her there, just to make my job that little bit more stressful.

It is now a case of wait and see.