Tuesday, 15 January 2013

And Now for Family Crisis - Mark 2

So just when every thing goes quiet with Mommie Fearest (Mostly cause we are not talking) a new drama emerges to keep us on our toes.
This time its with Big Sister and Dad.  
Big Sister is a recovering alcoholic and as such does not have custody of two of her kids. They stay with their Dad.  My Father spends a lot of time with them and looks after them one day a week and also has them through to stay with him quite a lot.  This also involves them spending time with his girlfriend and her nieces (who are very nice).  Big Sis is very resentful of this time as they tend to see more of Dad then her, and see hates Dad's girlfriend.  Big Sis also has major unresolved issues with Dad due to his behaviour when we were kids.
Because of the alcoholism and the way Big Sis behaved when she was drinking Dad does not trust her with the kids.  Big Sis has been sober for a year, however the last time she managed this she had a major relapse so most of us don't really trust her fully yet (apart from Mum but that is another story).
In the last year Big Sis has taken to invading with her littlest daughter whenever the kids come to see Dad.  She then tries to monopolise their whole time and gets upset when other plans are made.  Now I realise she is their mother and does have a right to see them but she treats them like property and doesn't accept they may want to see their friends here and do other things.
Recently Dad had them down to stay and didn't tell anyone until the last minute (including me).  He thought he would be ok as they had just spent a week with their mother.  Big Sis went spare.  She wrote him an email about how he didn't care about her and how horrible he was to deny her access to her kids.  He did respond and try and refute some of the allegations but Big Sis is rarely willing to listen to him.  She usually won't even call him or answer phone calls.
Now it turns out Dad is taking them to Disneyworld at Easter.  I knew he was going but thought that the kids Dad had said they couldn't go.
Once again Big Sis has gone off on one.  She is saying she will stop him taking them as she has visitation rights that week. She has also told me she is hurt because I didn't tell her about this.  Now I explained that I knew Dad was going but that I thought the kids weren't and didn't know that the plans were changed but she still insists she is hurt because I didn't tell her at the time it was a possibility. She has also accused Twin of the same.  I have not replied to her because I would lose my temper but Twin just replied - I am sorry for not telling you about something I didn't know about.
If I had replied I would have said that it is not my job to report anything that Dad says about her kids that may or may not happen and that Big Sis and Dad both need to grow up and learn to talk to each other.
So now Big Sis will get to tell her Kids that she is stopping them going on a trip of a lifetime with their friends because she is selfish and wants to see them instead.
She ignored them and neglected them when she was drinking but now she wants all their time and to deny them a relationship with anyone else -solely because she is their mother and they belong to her.
Before anyone kicks off I do acknowledge that she does have a right to see them and that both kids do love her very much but she has to remember that the situation she is in with them now is because of how she behaved and that it is going to take time for all of us to trust her again.  She also has to remember that they do have other relatives and friends who also love them and want to spend time with them and that she can't just ride rough shot over everyone solely because she is their mother.  They are children not possessions and they have rights too.
We will have to see what happens next but I hope she doesn't deny the kids the chance at this wonderful holiday.
Slight update on this - BIg Sis has now emailed Twin
You knew he was considering taking them. How else would you know Kids Dad had vetod it in the first instance?
Thanks for being so genuine in your apology!
Twins Response
I knew he was considering taking them a year ago but then he stopped talking about it so I assumed he had changed his mind.  I knew Kid's Dad had vetoed it initially cause Dad told me just before you called.  I’m really not trying to hide anything from you Big Sis, and I am hurt you would think so is all.  I got enough of that from mum last week .  please don’t be cross, just speak to dad 
so far no response from Big Sis

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