Monday, 7 October 2013

More mother related drama

I realise that I never updated after our dinner with Nanny and Uncle. Twin arranged through FB to meet them for lunch at a nice little place near us. Nanny and Uncle turn up (without Mum - thank god), we have a nice meal and everything is going well. We barely mention mum but have a really nice time.
Anyway after the meal Uncle suggests we go outside for pictures. At this point Nanny grabs me and asks me why I am being so mean to my mother. I try to explain explains that it is not that simple and that Mum has a lot to answer for, but of course mother has poisoned Nanny's mind I explains that she said and did some very hurtful things and Nanny says "She doesn't know what she did wrong" and "but she has apologised". The thing is that she hasn't though. Nanny then tells us we are killing our mother and asks if we will be happy when she is dead.
I can't take anymore and walk away. Which leaves Twin trying to explain to our 88 year old grandmother what mum did and why we had to make this choice. She won't listen though and we can’t make her but Twin stresses that mum was very hurtful and she made Twin very ill and that is why we have made this choice. Nanny ends up in tears we are both in shock.  I do get out of the car and say good bye but it is clear to me that Nanny will not believe us. Since then things have been quiet, however some things have happened that have made us worry again.

The first week I was back at work after the holiday I saw Mum out and about in Town.  I had left work for the day and was heading home when I look across the road and saw what looked like Mum heading down other side of the road.  I don’t think she saw me but I am 99% sure it was her.  She was practically running down the road but it was the same clothes, bag and haircut.  She went into a building and I went on my way. Completely freaked me out and I had to call Twin to let her know what had happened.  When we got home we checked Mum’s facebook (she has never changed the password) and saw that she had been in contact with lots of people, including Dad’s family telling them that she was ill and might have MS and that she may move up to where Big Sis lives.  Ok I don’t believe about the MS (but I was wrong the last time she said she was ill) but the fact she is contacting Dad’s family freaks me out.  She even spins out the old story about how Granda  (Dad’s father) loved her more than anyone else and said she would always be part of the family.   Now I was there when he was supposed to have said this and I know he didn’t.  Mum made it up and was completely manic at the time.

Secondly we are going to a family wedding (dad’s family) in two weeks.  On Friday night Aunt  (the mother of the bride) phones Twin.  She wants Mum’s phone number.  Twin gives it to her but the question remains why she wants it.  I hope to god she is not coming to the wedding because it would be awful.  We are both freaked out by this so the next day decide to check her facebook again.  She has posted a status that she does have MS and has moved up near Big Sis. We check the web but her flat here is not for sale as far as we can see. We also drive round there to take a look – no for sale sign and her car is still there.  Uncle also posts a picture of her near a holiday home in the same place Big Sis goes as well.  This makes me think she is up for a holiday but not to stay.  The weird thing is that Big Sis has not mentioned any of this (the moving or the MS).  She wouldn’t talk to me but I would have thought she would have said something to Twin.  However she also hasn’t mentioned that the parcel we sent littlest Niece has arrived nor acknowledged the birthday card Twin sent to her partner.

This sends Twin into guilt trip and depression.  She is sad because she misses the mum she used to have when we were little who she thinks did love us, rather than the mum we have now who only wants attention and slaves instead of Daughters. I am freaked out because now I will have to deal with whatever happens next and explain to Dad’s family what she was like and why we stopped talking to her.  Also if she comes to the wedding it will be very difficult indeed.  We are both agreed that even if she does have MS it doesn’t excuse her behaviour.  If she does move to near Big Sis, it won’t take Big Sis long to realise what mum is really like.  She always excused Mum's behaviour because as she lived away she didn't get the full brunt of it.

Twin spent most of Sunday night feeling miserable.  She didn’t sleep well and ended up going to work on very little sleep, feeling awful.  I have been having nightmares and I am jumpy and paranoid.  I am just waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Which given what is happening in work might be very soon but that is another post.

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