Tuesday, 9 July 2013

And she's back - briefly

So on Friday night both the Twin and I had dreams involving our mother and grandmother.  Both involved Mum stalking us in some way and with us trying to get away.  Turns out these dreams were quite prophetic.
While we are out on Saturday Twin receives a text from mum - text reads as follows "Hi Twin Your Uncle is bringing up your Grandmother on Thursday and they are staying a while.  he will be chauffeuring her around as I can't drive.  They would like to see you perhaps on Saturday.  Contact me so that we can arrange something"
Its like nothing has ever happened.  Like I haven't stopped talking to her for 6 months and Twin for 3.  We are both freaked out and for a while can't decide what to do but eventually decide not to respond straight away. First this gives us a chance to calm down and second it takes away control from mum.  If we had responded straight away she would assume its ok to talk to us all the time and we would be bombarded with messages (has happened in past).
Looking at the text we see its about control, she wants to control the situation with Grandmother and Uncle so all communication has to go through her. We do want to see Grandmother and Uncle though so next day Twin Texts back that we will contact Uncle through Facebook and arrange something. This gives us control and means she will only know about plans if Uncle chooses to tell her.  Twin contacts Uncle and we agree to see them on Saturday but don't agree venue yet.
No further contact from the other mother so far.
Now there are a couple of things to consider, assuming Mum has told Nanny and Uncle about the situation we may have to deal with them harassing us to start contact with Mum.  If she has told them I can assume she has painted us in a bad light and will not have told them the truth. I think we are just going to have to say they don't know the whole situation and that we don't want to go into it and if they won't stop talking about it then we will leave.
However if mum hasn't told them anything we may have to explain that we are no contact with mum which is going to be tricky.
The other problem is that Mum may show up at the venue (when we decide were it is) and at that point I will be out of there and taking Twin with me.
I am hoping that none of these things will happen but I realise that is slightly deluded but I am not looking forward to seeing them because of this and that makes me sad.
It has also made me realise that there are things about mum that I don't miss.
I don't miss her attempts to disrupt my life every time something good happens - like the bombshells she would drop directly before or just after every holiday.
I don't miss her treating me like a servant
I don't miss being scared to tell her I had a day off as she would assume that it was so she could order me about.
I don't miss having to watch what I put on face book because she would demand every detail
I don't miss her attempts to control my life
I don't miss watching her emotionally drain my sister to the point of exhaustion and depression
I don't miss the lies and her attempts to change history in her favour
I don't miss the passive aggressive tactics and the little put downs she would slip into conversation to make us feel bad
I don't miss the 'accidental' destruction of my favourite things or the clothes that she would give away
to be honest I don't miss my mother.

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