Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Older Sisters partner joins the fray

Been very quiet over the last few months but as always I knew it wouldn't last.
Older sister has been living with her current partner and the father of littlest niece for the last 3 years.  He has stayed with her despite one relapse of drinking and the ongoing drama with the family.  I didn't know him that well as he is usually not there when we visit and Big Sis never really comes to see us.  Big Sis recently told us they are going to get married once her divorce comes through. She even asked Twin to give a statement to her lawyer to support the custody arrangements for the other two kids, basically to say that custody remains the same.  They stay with their dad and Big sis gets visitation rights.
Everything fine so far.
Anyway recently two things have happened.  Thing one its Dad and oldest niece's birthday in the same week. We have arranged a surprise meal for Dad and asked oldest niece and nephew's Dad if they could come.  Their Dad agreed and it was all set.  Twin then gets a call from Big Sis upset because she wanted to change her contact days and wanted them on the day they were coming to us but found out we were having them.  She was upset because we hadn't asked her as well as their dad.  OK so we screwed up and should have asked.  Twin apologies says it won't happen again and explains it for the birthday.  Big sis still a little upset but says ok.  Sorted we think.
Second thing - Twin self publishes a book.  This is a good thing and we are all very encouraging to twin, especially as she has been really depressed and this is something very positive.  Book includes sweet dedication to all nieces and nephew by first name only.
Twin then receives very angry email from Big Sis's partner (BSP), he is angry that littlest nieces name has been included without his permission.  Rather than just asking her nicely to remove it he tells her she has to remove it, accuses her of using nieces and nephew for commercial reasons, accuses her of being belligerent to Big Sis, of hurting her on purpose and of not even knowing littlest niece that well as she has only ever seen her twice. He also accuses Twin of stealing Big Sis' time with her kids.
Twin is upset but emails back to say of course she will remove the name but that is was only included out of love and not for any other reason, that she had arranged to see the kids before Big Sis wanted to change the contact time and that she has sorted that out with Big Sis and its none of his business, and that she has seen littlest niece more than twice in her life. BSP emails back to say that anything that hurts Big Sis is his business and he is glad he sent nasty email.  Twin then has to email to say she would never hurt Big Sis on purpose and that book has been changed.
Twin is very upset,she was trying to do a nice thing for the nieces and nephew and has just got abuse for it.  However if she hadn't included littlest niece name Big Sis would have gone off on one anyway. We think that Big Sis doesn't know he has sent this email but not sure what will happen next.  Big Sis tends to take the side of anyone that isn't in the family over us and may not believe Twin but I can feel a big row brewing over this.
Big Sis may use this as an excuse to isolate kids further from this side of the family.  I am also worried that BSP may try to isolate Big Sis from the rest of us.  Once again she has picked a real charmer.
Once again I am in a rage because trying to do something positive has resulted in nothing but trauma.

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